Friday, December 30, 2005

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ah the eternal question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Rene Descartes 's Answer:
Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road

Moses's Answer:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Douglas Adam's Answer:

Submit your answers below!!

mmmm ice cream

Have some Ice Cream.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

my brother is a douche bag

squishedlizard: are you less angry at me now?
FFHotshot716: are you?
squishedlizard: frank and I talked, yeah.
squishedlizard: I don't like that you assumed that i'm just trying to make you whore around and that I am a whore.
FFHotshot716: well from what he tells me you have only slept in your own bed a few times this week
squishedlizard: I always come home.
squishedlizard: I always sleep in my bed.
FFHotshot716: in the morning
squishedlizard: yeah, because I'm up all night with Dani and a bunch of other people shooting the shit.
FFHotshot716: i hope so
squishedlizard: I'm not whoring around Joe.
FFHotshot716: i hope not for you living
squishedlizard: I go to Danielle's. Frank always knows where I am and what I'm doing. It's not like I disappear. It's not like I'm going out and fucking people, and it's not like I'm doing drugs or any shit like that.
squishedlizard: Why is this a big deal?
FFHotshot716: because you are out in the middle of the fucking night, all night long
squishedlizard: so?
squishedlizard: I'm 19 fucking years old.
squishedlizard: I go to a place where people know me, and would beat the piss out of anybody who even threatened to harm me.
squishedlizard: I don't have to justify my actions to my 14 year old brother.

convo with my brother

FFHotshot716: i have a question
squishedlizard: kay
FFHotshot716: why do you think frank and i need to go to rochester
squishedlizard: check out asians
squishedlizard: doesn't matter though. we can't go this week.
squishedlizard: I think it'd be fun, and I'd like to spend that time with you guys.
FFHotshot716: i think there is some shit beside that
squishedlizard: no dude, that's it.
squishedlizard: what? are you mad at me too?
FFHotshot716: just thinking about what frank informed me of
squishedlizard: and what's that?
squishedlizard: Cause honestly, he said he's mad at me, but he won't fucking tell me jack shit.
squishedlizard: I thought he had enough respect for me to tell me why he's upset with me, but I guess not.
FFHotshot716: because he thinks you want us to go and be whores and shit and thats the only reason you want us to go because he thinks you think that he is anti social and needs to go out because he sleeps in his bed more than 3 nights a week
squishedlizard: No. Not at all. I thought it'd be fun. It means a lot to me to go shopping and get sushi with you guys. Or it did, anyway.
squishedlizard: I like shopping. I like the two of you guys. So! Put the two together, and throw KD into the mix, and it sounds like a great fucking time.
squishedlizard: But if the two of you are just going to be PMS-ing little bitches about it and reading implications into things and into what I really mean, it doesn't fucking matter.
squishedlizard: Actually, it doesn't matter anyway, cause we ain't going.
squishedlizard: I wanted to go shopping with the two of you. I like you guys. I care about you guys. I also wanted to go with KD. That too would be fun. On top of that, I wanted to get sushi, but all of this is seemingly irrelevant, so fuck it.
squishedlizard: I'm going shopping with KD alone, and because of all the shit that you two are reading into this, and you're assuming what I want, (which, by the way, you're wrong of) the two of you can go fuck yourselves.
squishedlizard: I do think he's anti-social. He's right about that. I think he's anti social, clinically depressed, and dangerously introverted, but that's the way he is, and he's been this way as long as I've known him. Half the time when I say shit like that, I'm just joking around and just giving him shit.
squishedlizard: But if what I say, and what I do when I'm bullshitting is going to be a fucking issue, I'm just going to keep my goddamn mouth shut.
squishedlizard: And oddly enough, I'm upset about all this I'm in tears right now, and KD is on her way over, and I didn't want to be crying in front of her.
squishedlizard: So I have to go.
squishedlizard: I'm sorry the two of you assume I'm just a big whore and all I want you to do is slut around.
Fuck this. My best friend and my brother are fucking pissed at me. Do I know what I did? No! Of course not! For once, it's the woman who's wondering what the fuck is going on and why everybody around her is PMS-ing.

In all honesty though, I figured that the two of them had enough respect for me to tell me when they are mad at me and why they are mad at me, but no, I guess I was wrong.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

pathetic-ness and christmas family crap

I went to bed @ 11, and woke up at 2pm feeling hot and hungry, so I'm awake now, but soon to return to my cave.

Well I feel a little less uhrm...pathetic, and Frank, you should too. In fact, most people should. Believe it or not, I have actually found someone who is more pathetic than everybody else I have ever met in my entire life.

He's completely asocial. Bi polar, (on lithium) clinically depressed. He's so sheltered that he's never had salad dressing. He's a nice enough guy, he really is, but man he's got issues. Tonight he's said things to me such as:

"I've never had mushrooms or salad dressing"
"I'm brittle... I'll crack if exposed to what the world is really like"
"yeah... my life is small and sad"
"at my aunt's house, my cousin and his GF were using each other as furniture most of the day... another reminder of being single and not enjoying it"
"I will bitch and moan about my own pitiful existance until such time as I perceive it to not suck completely and totally"
"being in large groups of unfamiliar people makes me insecure and depressed"
"I can't think of a single thing that doesn't make me either depressed or bored"

I don't *get* how someone can be that depressed all the time. It's just mind blowing. He's so depressed and so...anti everything that he doesn't do anything than bitches about the shit he does do.

And Eduardo, I know you're reading this. I have thought you're pretty pathetic, but dude, no fucking way are even you this bad.

Anyway, Saturday night, Christmas Eve was our little family get together thing. It was fine. Went as usual, and that's fine too. ONE part though really fucking pissed me off. The Wada's got here, and they're a sweet little Japanese family. Sweet and wonderful people. I helped them with their coats and shoes, and I was walking into the dining room in time enough to hear Lory, my father's girlfriend, introduce herself as "Mrs. Gray." I was fucking pissed. - It should be noted that she and my father aren't married, and she's just a stupid bitch who pretty much uses my father for his money, and his affection to make herself feel better emotionally about the stupid self-absorbed cunt she really is. (not that I have an opinion or anything) You've got no goddamn idea how pissed I was. Joey was luckily upstairs with Frank on the punching bags, otherwise Joey might have killed her right there in her chair. He didn't know about it until we were at Gran's today and I mentioned it, and he got sooooo mad.

(still christmas eve) My aunt Linda had gotten the urge to have a big bell, so in August my grandparents and I went to an auction and we bought a bell. Painted it down, and all that good stuff. The old man got the brilliant idea to go set it up in her yard in the middle of town on christmas night while Linda and Dale are in bed sleeping. We pile into the van, Uncle drives it over in his little car with it sticking out the hatch, and assemble the bell in the driveway. Walk it over, prop it up on the swing set, and it's a biiig fucking bell. It's over 15 feet tall. To ring it, it required Frank climbing onto the swingset and ringing the bell a few times by moving the clapper. Didn't make nearly as much noise as I was hoping though. :( But c'est la vie.

Today: My brother Joey and I went to my grandmother's house in Alfred to see her sister Lee and her boys Kevin and Chris and their spouses Kelly and Mona; Gran's brother Leo, his wife Sue, their son Matt who's 21, and his girlfriend Emily. There were 12 of us there in total. I didn't have anything to say to these people. I haven't seen them since I was little. Played monopoly. That was fun. Matt and Emily were on a team; Mona and Chris were on a team; Kevin and Kelly were on a team. I was on my own team, and Leo was on his own team. Leo, Chris and I ended up making a deal and we teamed up. In exchange for building rights on my property, Chris would let me stay rent free anytime I landed on any of his properties. Same with Leo. So we were doing pretty good. Owned half the board with houses on them. I was put out of the game by landing on Matt's hotel, and then a railroad. Chris had $16 when I got taken out. Leo and Chris stayed in, and when everything was said and done in the end, 15 minutes later, Chris won.

Joey and I went up to the coffeeshop, the Terra Cotta, and I got me a mocha. Joey and I sat and played chess. I skunked him. But no, we get there and the same girl was working the LAST time I was there, who fucking had the balls to tell me when I ordered my latte with more foam than milk that it's harder to do a latte dry than a cappicino, and "Next time it'd be easier for me if you ordered a medium cappicino." Dumb cunt. She was there today, and she hands me my mocha and says "There you go sweetheart" and flashes me a smile.

Now let it be said, she's hot. Definately boneable. She's about my height, thin, long brown hair, slender face, bright eyes, nice smile, soft curves, and soft pink lips. She's definately hot, and she's a hippie girl too. She's definately got the bohemian vibe going on.

So anyway, she calls me sweetheart, flashes me a smile, and goes somewhere in the back, and I say to Joe "Dude she was flirting with me" and Joey says to me "Too bad she's stupid" and the gay dude behind the counter who was just loitering said "Yeah, we get that reaction a lot...that's why she's single."

Sunday, December 25, 2005


is gonna fucking blow.



Merry Fucking Christmas

Merry Fucking Christmas - Denis Leary

Old St. Nick's got bourbon breath,
It's so cold you could catch your death,
A cop just sold me crystal meth,
It's a Merry F#%$In' Christmas!

Everything's so Christmas-y,
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee,
My priest just sat on Santa's Knee,
It's a Merry F#%$In' Christmas!

All the kids go to bed each night,
To dream what Santa brings 'em.
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim
Or some other gyp religion.

Crappy toys flying off the shelf,
Midgets dressed up to look like elves,
Spread good cheer or burn in Hell,
It's a Merry F#%$In' Christmas!

All the kids go to bed each night,
To dream what Santa brings 'em.
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim
Or some other gyp religion.

Cracklin' fires to keep me warm,
And my collection of Asian porn,
Cradle my bells and work my horn,
It's a keep-on-trucking,
Merry F#%$In' Christmas!