So I found this transcript of Bill Hicks stuff that was cut out of routines. This was over at www.gavinsblog.com/hicks.htm for anybody who wants to go check it out.
The following are from "Revelations" in UK that was cut out.
ON TOBACCOWhooh! It's weird not smoking, I'll tell you that. But I'm glad I quit y'know because I felt like to be honest with you I was on the wrong side of the war against drugs, because I smoked cigarettes and gave the tobacco lobbyists and the tobacco growers any more fuckin money for the poison they spread, and advertise all over our world thanks to: marketing!
Hey [coughs] looks like that's 15 Luv. You know what I mean isn't that wild? y'know? The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one. And the fight against the war against drugs . And we're so afraid "It all makes sense to us, it's good they're doing a good job" Because if the cared about us they'd get rid of the number one killer: cigarettes. Kills more people than all of the drugs times one hundred....legally. Marijuana, a drug that kills... no one.... and let's put in a timeframe... ever. Marijuana is against the law. Now you think Pot with those kinda statistics could walk into any debate on the legalisation of drugs with confidence don't you? "I am Pot I am going to meet nicotine and alcohol for a debate about legality hahaha" "Wait 'til they see my stats" "Frame up!" Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it and therefore you can't make a profit off it would it? hahaha I'm spit balling but yeah ok yeah [clapping] alright yeah "Too fucking obvious Bill".
Cos I tell you what, if I wanted to have a war against drugs or I wanted a drug to be legal, it would not be alcohol sorry, the number two killer, or cigarettes the number one killer; it would be Marijuana. And you would have a better world instantly in front of your eyes.[clapping]..and I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game, you're at a concert, someone's really violent, agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk [shout from audience] are they drunk or are they smoking pot? [silence] ...Exactly.[shout from audience] Yeah they're tripping dude, thanks. That was one of the choices. Have a fuckin cow man. We'll get to that, don't get ahead of me just cos you're tripping right now ok? "Hey I just read Bills mind, I saw him talking about acid while looking at the girls legs on the front row, it's weird" "Goatboy is caught". "Goatboy is embarrassed, he is blushing under his shaggy fur" [laughs to himself] "Goatboy whats that stuff caked around your mouth?" "Hahahaha, it's love flakes". "Dirty old thing, you smell like a sock filled with strawberries." "Hahaha" What was I talking about?
On PotOh yeah Pot. Y'know, you're at a ball game, you're at a concert someones is really violent agressive obnoxnious drunk or smoking pot? Drunk. Never have I seen people on pot get in a fight because, it's impossible. "Hey buddy? Hey what?" End of argument. Say you get in a car accident and you've been smoking pot ? You're only going 4 miles an hour. Crashhh "Shit we hit something." Forgot to open the garage door dude". Least no one was hurt. The garage door has to be replaced, boom!, a job is created! We could be a self perpetuating civilisation. Pay the garage fix it guy with pot. Boom, he walks out of your house through a plate glass window. Smassh. "Oh shit sorry." Thats ok, cos a job has been created. We'd just be a race of people walking around with tape and glue everywhere we go. "Hey howya doin?" "Cool, uh oh shit, sorry, here let me get that" "oh thanks" [mimics smoking] "ok see ya" "oh sorry let me get that"
On AbortionY'know, abortion completely diviided America, unbelievebly divisive, I've never seen anything like it. Even my friends, all very intelligent, totally divided on abortion. Some of my friends think these pro-life people are annoying idiots. Other of my friends think these pro-life people are evil fucks. [clapping] How are we gonna come to a consensus? I mean I'm torn. I think of them as evil annoying idiot fucks, but y'know I ehhhh I take the broad view y'know. 'The broad view' A pun we found a pun!. And we were'nt even looking for it. But even.... Y'know what bugs me? People waffling on the idea of abortion. Even, even pro-choice people, it bugs the shit outta me."We're not pro-abortion , we're pro-choice" " We just don't believe the government has a right to tell us what we can or cannot do with our own bodies" "We're not pro-abortion, we're pro-choice" Heyyy just say it. What the...... say it! Quit fuckin walking on eggs just say it! People suck, there's too many of em, and they're easier to kill when they're foetuses than when they're grown up. Oh sorry did the mask fall? Let me put that back on. "Hahahaaha" Arent people the keenest things you've ever seen? "They make Goatboy beam from ear to ear".
On Drugs AgainOne time me and three friends dropped acid drove around in my Dad's car, he's got one of those talking cars, we're tripping, the car goes "the door is ajar". We pulled over thought about that for 12 hours."How can a door be a jar?" "Shit I don't know but I see it, I see it. Why would they put a jar on a car man?"
I mean why do we fear these things? I don't get it. I think an attitude of compassion might help us alot more than fear, personally. Y'know? And I figured out a way to perhaps make everyone happy about drugs, are ya ready? How about this? Here's a way we can do it, make everyone happy. For those people who believe drugs should be legalised, legalise them. And, for those people who believe they should'nt be, they're not, they never were, don't worry, we're cracking down. There! Now everyone is happy. I am the weaver.[Laughs to himself] Drugs have done good things for us! Ok, not the most popular idea ever expressed, or you're agreeing with me in the very special way that you have learned."Is it two blinks left eye one blink right eye?" "Fuck it this is too may rules" "Yeah Bill, just get to the dick jokes, we're with ya" "Just don't do that Goatboy thing, that was weird" "Hahahaha, you love Goatboy admit it! Come dance with goatboy under the moon light"
The Beatles were so high they let Ringo sing a couple of tunes. Tell me they weren't paryting, 'We all live in a yellow submarine' We all live in a....yell ....I've never been that high. When I was having the pyramids build the UFO dream...trip... that fuckin yellow submarine trip was on the horizon. When I was having Jesus flying around on a unicorn I could barely make out the periscope of the yellow submarine. 'What's that way fuckin out there?' Past the UFOS, passed the Pyramids, passed Jesus on a unicorn, passed the fish: its a fuckin yellow submarine. I'm not that high yet. Who's that walking out to it with the big nose and the bad haircut? Thats fuckin Ringo! Can you imagine how high he is right now! Fuccck! I want that Ringo shit.
