Saturday, January 14, 2006

amuse yourself

Office work dull?

None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?

Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty
basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative

ONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan
out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one
other'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) When
they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee
into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the
first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone
in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just
called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of
a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper
open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I
really prefer it this way" Walk sideways to the photcopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
doors open

THREE-POINT GAGS Say to your boss, "I like your style" and
shoot him with double-barrelled fingers. Babble incoherently at
a fellow employee then ask "Did you get All that, I don't want
to have to repeat it" Page yourself over the intercom (do not
disguise your voice) Kneel in front of the water cooler and
drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player'
within sight). Shout random numbers while someone is counting

FIVE POINT GAGS At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for
once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the
national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it
yourself). Walk into a very busy person's office and while they
watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off
10 times For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go
do number two" After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad
Jamacian accent,as in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep
this up for one hour While an office mate is out, move their
chair into the elevator. In a meeting or crowded situation,
slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damm it,
all of you just shut up!" At lunchtime, get down on your knees
and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry
again". In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look
in tights" Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask
"You wanna trade?" Repeat the following conversation 10 times
to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind,
it's gone now" Come to work in army fatigues and when asked
why, say, "I can' talk about it" Posing as a maitre d', call a
colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local
resturant. Let him go Speak with an accent (French, German,
Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call. Find
the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk Hang a two-foot
long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act
genuinely surprised when someone points it out. Rollerblade
around the floor throwing sweets.

Thursday, January 12, 2006


If you could be reincarnated as anything, what would it be?

I want to be a galaxy. With a consiousness, but a galaxy just the same. How cool would that be? Comprised of billions of stars, and planets. And I could make nebulas, and I could talk to my neighboring galaxies. It'd be so awesome...

Pious Chickens

Frank's brain fart of the day: Imagine if the Bible was written by chickens...and the only contact Jesus had with a cross was that he perched on one. "Bawk bawk bawk we will smite the romans bawk bawk bawk."

"You are the chosen of God bawk bawk bawk rise up out of oppression bawk bawk bawkkknnnn"

"bawk bawk bawk eat the young bawk bawk bawk"

"Bawk bawk bawk bawk the cadburry bunny is an imposter we shall smite him! bawk bawk bawk bawk"

"And Jesus drown in the sea of Galiea picking at worms in the ocean. bawk bawk bawk. The SPCA is the work of the devil....bawk bawk bawk Jesus will return at the slaughter of the chickens. bawk bawk bawk The devil's bawk bawk minions have formed PETA. Preventing the chicken slaughter bawk bawk bawk."

Yeah....we could have our own reality show in this house....

That'd be so fun. Just set up cameras all over the place. a live internet stream. heh...that'd be so much fun. lmao. Wow.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Interesting little observation

YEAR 1981

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

YEAR 2005

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

In the future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, please warn the Pope.

Mushroom Porn

Due to the fact that my SERVER FUCKING BLOWS, and most people can't see my websites, I've moved Mushroom Porn over to Blogspot, so everybody can see it. It's viewable at:

Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story

So I watched that tonight. It was fucking hillarious. I really liked it. There were all these really strange things in it, that for some reason, made complete sense to me. I totally recommend you watch it. "My name is Ron!!!!!!!!!"


negative energy + fucknuts = swell evening

Okay, say it with me here people. Aloud, everybody.


I didn't hear you. Do it again.


You might be surprised at how many people have crappy lives purely because of their negative energy. I've been trying to avoid being negative. I can usually stop myself. And on top of that, I've been trying to minimize my contact with negative people. The shit hits the fan, and it gets distributed...unevenly. So I get some of the crap that's meant for them, and that's even more shit than I have to deal with on my own.

Oh, so "flash a lot of people?" being responded with "I don't know. I know I have before. Don't remember if I have lately. Either way, they're my tits, not yours, so it doesn't matter." And apparently I'm a bitch because of that statement.....yeah..........riiiiiiiiiight.

Fucking cigar smokers.

ass loomed

fermaylabush: you mearly assloomed
squishedlizard: lmao
squishedlizard: ass loomed
fermaylabush: ass looming... the act that donkeys use to intimidate

Also appears on google: The ass had never loomed large on my sexual agenda.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

More pictures

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDanielle and Darcy

Image hosted by Photobucket.comCurtis, Darcy, Theresa, and Nate

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDanielle

Image hosted by Photobucket.comNate and Bethany

Image hosted by Photobucket.comTheresa, Fred, and Chris

Image hosted by Photobucket.comTheresa and Nate

Image hosted by Photobucket.comLogan, Darcy and Nate

Image hosted by Photobucket.comNate and Curtis

Image hosted by Photobucket.comAmanda, Danielle, Me, and Fred

Image hosted by Photobucket.comNate and Darcy

Image hosted by Photobucket.comNate, Danielle, and Theresa. "Lick it"

Image hosted by Photobucket.comBethany and Christopher Robins

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDanielle and Fred

Image hosted by Photobucket.comMe and Beth

Image hosted by Photobucket.comMe and Fred

Image hosted by Photobucket.comMe and Fred

Image hosted by Photobucket.comLogan

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDarcy and Theresa

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDarcy and Logan with Curtis in the background.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDarcy and Ally very very big.