Friday, March 03, 2006


In downtown Roanoke, at a crowded bus stop, a good friend of
mine was waiting for her bus. She's very attractive and was
decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight
leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became
her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too
tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first
step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver
she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking
that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again
she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she
still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her
and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time
attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she
could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped
the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was
unable to make the step.

About this time a big burly man that was behind her in the line
picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on
the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned to the
would-be hero screeching at him "How dare you touch me!! I
don't even know who you are!"

At this, the big guy drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would
agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I
kinda figured that we were friends."

Off To See The Lizard - Jimmy Buffett

I was raised by a maid who came from Martinique
She wore geckos around her neck and bracelets on her feet
A superstitious woman from the land of sugar cane
She'd sing the sun to bed and dance out in the rain
Dance out, dance out, dance out in the rain

She'd excite us with a legend that the Africans told
About a red iguanna who turned lava into gold
We'd mount an expedition heading up into the bay
Superstitious children playing pirate for the day

Off to see the lizard
Off to see the lizard
Deja deja deja vu
Believe it and it will come true
Veja veja veja du
What works for me might work for you

Being rich an famous seems to have its ups and downs
But that's the price you pay for being troubadours and clowns
Godzilla's halitosis it be vaporizing cars
Elvis up in Michigan or maybe out on Mars
Dance out, dance out, dance out to the stars

But living in the briar patch ain't what it appears
Sooner or later you've got to face your fears
I heard it from the parrot verbalizing in the tree
I heard in the songline of the aborigine

Off to see the lizard
Off to see the lizard
Deja deja deja vu
Believe it and it will come true
Veja veja veja du
What works for me might work for you

Does it work for me? (yeah, yeah)
Will it work for you? (yeah, yeah)
If you believe it will (yeah, yeah)
It will come true (yeah, yeah)

I got problems with my brain underneath my curls
Problems with Loraine and all the other girls
Love a wealthy woman and the pretty plane she flys
If you think this sounds confusing you should see it through my eyes
Dancing, dancing, dancing through my eyes

I'm turning off the waterfall the tourists can go home
I feel it time to travel take time to write a poem
Time to seek some therapy I'm going walkabout
Answers are the easy part, questions raise the doubt

Off to see the lizard
Off to see the lizard
Deja deja deja vu
Believe it and it will come true
Veja veja veja du
What works for me might work for you

Deja deja deja vu
Believe it and it will come true
Veja veja veja du
What works for me will work for you

cutest little gift

Mike gave me the cutest thing ever. I get into his car on Tuesday on the way to his granpa's funeral and he hands me this piggi. And I thought it was adorable because it's a piggi with a fez. I absolutely love piggis, but a fez'd piggi is just adorable.

Turns out, it's a piggi lighter!!!! He hands it to me and says "I know you don't smoke, but you have incense you can light with this. I remember you saying you like pigs." It's adorable in a demonic piggi sort of way. You push down the fez and flames come out of the piggi's nose, and it's a refillable butane lighter, and you refill it by sticking the butane up the piggi's ass. lmao. Whenever Mike lights a cigarette with it he bursts out laughing saying "HA! Cancer is cute!"

It's adorable and it made me really happy. wow....I'm easy to please.

My cardiologist apointment went well. I am going to go through a bunch more tests and then they're going to put wires into my heart and then do surgery if it's needed at the point they have the wires in my heart. The surgery consists of taking this wire thingy and snaking it into my heart and freezing off the part of my heart that's causing the problem.

I love my cardiologist. He's so cool. He has a lot of funny little quirks. He's from eastern Europe. He forgets little words here and there like "it" and "is" so his sentences come out like "sounds like very serious problem then no? very strange to see very serious atrial fib in a woman your age. very strange."

Anyway, he made me feel very comfortable about the operation. Which is good. I'm not worried about the proceedure or anything. The only thing that really concerns me is that it won't do any good and the whole ordeal will just be a waste of time. But on that note, at least then I'll know that it's not really an option.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Few days update

Well, Fred and I are honest and truly no more. It's for the really is. Towards the end, about the last month, it's felt like a chore instead of a "relationship" (such as it was). I absolutely adore him. I really do, but this really isn't a good place for us to be together. I have confidence that we will remain friends. It's kind of hard though because I do genuinly care about him....I'm sure, on some level, that I just closed myself off towards the whole situation emotionally because subconsiously I thought he'd undoubtly hurt me.

In other news, Mike's grandfather died, and I've been spending a lot of time with him doing the emotional support thing. He hasn't said it, but I can tell things have been kind of hard for him, and he needs all the support he can get.

It's kind of hard for me to be giving other people emotional support when I've had a hard enough time dealing with my own issues lately. My heart situation is really difficult for me to deal with right now. What with being hospitalized and potentially needing surgery. I go see the cardiologist in the morning and we'll figure things out from there.

I hope to remain positive. I've been doing pretty good so far. I have faith that everything will work out exactly as it should. I've done some fucked up things in my life, but I wouldn't change a thing. Every decision has led me to this; has led to now. It all taught me something valuable. If this problem with my heart can give me strength and teach me something, I have faith in myself to endure the journey. I am strong and resiliant. I shall be fine.

I was thinking on it yesterday and I'm really not afraid to die. I mean, shit, what do I have to be afraid of? As far as I can tell, once I die, it'll be over. Not much to be scared of there. But I am really scared of hurting the people I care about. Or making them worry. I don't want to be in the hospital, or have any health problems that would cause a burden for the people I love. I am scared of my death causing people pain. But unless I completely close myself off from the world and society as I know it, that's inevitable.

I've come to terms with the fact that if things with my heart go ary, it is out of my control, ultimately. This problem I have is midly life-threatening. Everything happens for a reason, and there are forces at work here that are beyond me. All I can do is continue to have the strength to endure; not to give up, and not to take the easy way out. Whatever happens tomorrow...whatever we decide, is ultimately for the better, and all I, or anybody else can do, is remain aware of the fact that everything has a greater purpose that we may not yet understand.