You're gone
always
trapped inside me
somehow I think
everything has gone away
so can you stay here?
I'll kill
Always empty without
the pain
and always
gone
why not
you're squaring off
with the demons
that live inside my head
and torment the emptiness
inside my dreams

wash

we both know
that you're lost inside it
when you go
why can't you,
let me be?
Always gone
always here
already dead
stay here
do you miss me?
When I'm gone?
give it everything
from blood to tears
you're sweet
and you'll be buried
I'm almost barren
and you're almost gone
suicide

test results

I am 66% Internet Addict.

I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!

Take the
Internet Addict Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 63% Geek.

Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend.

Take the
Geek Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 57% Goth.

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.

Take the
Goth Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 34% Hippie.

I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man.

Take the
Hippie Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 64% Evil Genius.

Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.

Take the
Evil Genius Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 34% Tortured Artist.

I have some artistic ability, but it is probably a hobby and doesn't drive my life into a dark abysmal hole were I am alone and against the world.

Take the
Tortured Artist Test
@ FualiDotCom

I am 45% Grunge.

What's this? The longest I've been without a shower is three days? Not even close, man. I should go sit out in the rain for a week.

Take the
Grunge Test
@ FualiDotCom

fruitbaskets

There's a wicked thunderstorm here, but it keeps dropping my network connection, so I have to make this quick.

My roomate is a little batty... a Fruitbasket. That's the name. Fruitbasket. Not a fruitcake, oh no, a fruitbasket. A cross between a fruitcake, and a basket case. [This is the new roomate.] Fruitbasket is allergic to: wireless devices - including, but not limited to, cellphones, wireless internet, cordless phones, power lines, and radio. Also, she is allergic to strong scents.

The other day, I was home after a job interview. I think this was yesterday, and she comes waltzing in with her little "wireless detector." This device is small, grey in color, with three lights on it. Theoretically speaking, when one light is red, there is no signal. When one is green, there is a signal, and it's supposed to gain lights until the maximum signal strength is found.

She knocks on my door where I am folding laundry, and says "Would you indulge me please?" and I looked at her, and said "uh. with?" She asks me to take my computer out of the closet, where it has been sitting, unplugged, for weeks, saying, "I just can't figure out where this signal is coming from..." she goes all over my computer case with this device, ignoring my statements of "It won't work if it's not plugged in." The cunning coot, so to speak, said to me, "I think that some of them nowadays will still get a signal if they're not plugged in." "No, they don't. It has to have electricity to do anything." "No, I'm not so sure about that."

This is the same woman who days before objected to my laundry soap, by putting it in the garage saying it's too strong of a scent, and she's allergic to it.

Said fruitbasket was standing in my room examining the case with the wireless detector which wreaks of oil paint, olive oil, turpentine, cigarette smoke (jackets and such. I don't smoke, and I wouldn't smoke in the house)and linseed oil, without a fucking word about the scent. Not a single, fucking, word.

stuff

Yeah, not much to say...

work issues...or lack of work issues.

fuckin' peachy

So that's just peachy. The download that I spent 3 fucking hours on, waiting, and waiting, and obsessivly checking the progress... not enough ram.

It's a nice thought

A watched pot doesn't boil. But what they don't tell you is that the same rule of thumb applies for HUGE FUCKING SOFTWARE DOWNLOADS. Of course I know, as well as you do (I hope) that downloads don't usually boil when you watch them. Typically, they don't usually speed up either, but I sit here and watch it anyway, like a stupid human, and it goes so....fucking....slowly....

I'm downloading the HP Photosmart software for my camera. I usually just plug it in to the USB port when I'm at work, but tonight, I'm not at work. This computer is so incredibly old, that it tells me my Digital Camera is a scanner, and it won't read the memory card, so I need to get the software for it. (windows 98 box with 63m ram....omg!!!) My
roomate, and owner of this computer, asked me, "Is there anyway to make the computer less retarded?"

Yeah. Get a new computer. This one isn't worth the case.

This download, 268m was originally estimated to take 3 Hours on my highspeed connection purely because it's an Intel Celeron, with 63m of ram.

The logic to this?

There isn't any.

So in the meantime, I'm surfing the net (see the Abc's of my web browser post to see part of what I surf to), and drinking green tea, to stay warm.

Mmm.. Comfort. =)

My friend Steve made an image of me the other day. It's actually somewhat accurate:

He even included the red beads of Edward's that I was wearing for a while.

In other news, life is so much better when you have a working can opener. =)

Rum & Monkey

Having a bit of fun on Rum & Monkey [dot] com

The secret I keep within is: my inner cooking talent.

My Japanese Name is: Sakamoto (book of the hill) Ayumi (walk, deeper meaning: walk your own way)

My super evil villan name is: Maniacle Spider

The way I died is: I got stabbed by an old man in pink panties with pigtails.

My new awesome name is: Bethany Rhodes

My hippie name is: Peace Hickory

My dragon name is: Ashkoort the Fire Starter (Sky Blue Dragon)

Apparently the state I should live in is: Delaware. (dela-fucking-ware?! Fuck no. Mushroom capitol of the world. I'm doin' this again.) Okay, so this one says I should live in South Carolina. - Like that's much better?

And last, but not least, the name of my penis is: Albert Tatlock the Strangely Proportioned Electric Organ

Stuff

chinese wedding site

So I was offered this contract, and it sounded like a really sweet deal. $40 an hour, plus a fee of $25 a page; $50 to ensure I'd never use that design again, and a flat $75 of labor. These are what were being offered, not what I asked for!

I asked for the other details of this contract, and he said, "Well the site has to be done in Chinese."

"What?" I replied somewhat confused.
"The site has to be done in Chinese."
"Uh, that's not going to work out. I only know about 20 words in chinese."
"Oh, that's going to be a problem."
I sighed, "You should say 'Chinese programmer required'"
"Yeah, I should! That's a good idea. Thanks."