Saturday, October 15, 2005

Sick Lizard

The poo lil lizard is sickly. :( I hate being sick. I feel awful. My lungs burn when I cough. My throat is sore. I have a sinus headache. It hurts when I talk, and I can barely hear.

Yuck. This sucks.

Much with the sucky.

I have to be up in 7 hours for church. Hopefully, I'm sick enough that I can get out of it. I really don't want to move or breathe or really do much of anything. Whatever this is has hit me like a ton of bricks.

My grandfather leaves to Lousiana for the hurricane clean up tomorrow. I'd like to go, but a) I'm sick. b) My GED is on Wednesday and I care more about that than I do about cleaning up the hurricanes.

squishedlizard: I'm gonna go soak in the shower and hope my muscles feel better. I'll be back for a few before I go to bed.
Zotte Park: Soak, young Lizard, soak, bwahahaha!
squishedlizard: thank you
squishedlizard: *nods*
squishedlizard: dude
squishedlizard: that'd be cool
squishedlizard: if you could turn into a sponge creature of whatever you want.
Zotte Park: hahahaha
Zotte Park: That would bring a whole new meaning to "retaining water"
squishedlizard: I'd be a sponge lizard, and I'd go climb into the bathtub with some random unexpecting asian girl and then just "poof!" a big expando lizard.
Zotte Park: lol

I'm a moron magnet

Okay, so there's this guy who's been going skating since he was like 3. He's, 2 year old cousin seems to have a higher IQ. He is mentally retarded, so that explains a lot. I find it amazing he can actually function.

3 weeks ago he wrote me this love letter, and left it with Damon. I read it and it's the funniest fucking thing. Jarod was out of town and Damon called up Jarod and read it over the phone. It was basically "Hi Liz? How old are you? I'm 22. I don't think it's true what they say about you! Christian would kill me if I told you! I thought you would want to skate with me tonight. Bye! "Doug George""

Okay, first of all, when you're 22 fucking years old, you shouldn't be doing the 3rd grade thing. "Do you like me? Check yes or no." (in example) I don't know what Christian told him exactly, but basically he told Doug that I like chicks.

Doug tried to give me his picture through Christian, and I refused it. "Well, Liz, I don't want it. He told me to give it to you." "No, I refuse to touch that. Get that away from me."

Christian then told him that I have a boyfriend. (we're saying Frank is my boyfriend) So then tonight rolls around, and I thought Doug had actually, like, you know....moved on. Oh, for the record he did this to Bridget, but he left the note in Jarod's mail box. Tonight Pat comes up to me and says "I need to see you in the DJ booth." I get up there, I read these letters. Fucking funny shit. Hillarious fucking crap. Jarod read these and he's laughing his ass off "Man, Liz, this has gone too far."

I decided to leave skating early because I didn't want to deal with Doug at the end of the night. I called Papa, and I was waiting outside. Doug comes out and says, (Oh, picture all this, but with the typical ddeeeeer voice of a robot) "Hi Liz. Do you have a boyfriend?" "Yeah, actually. I live with this guy. I'm waiting for him to pick me up right now." "Oh, well if you wanna hang out or something, why don't I give you my address." "Sorry Doug, I don't have a pen." "Oh, I already wrote it out for you. Here you go. Bye!"

I opened it when I got home. . . I scanned them and I'm returning them to Jarod for addition to the scrap book. Frank and I are sitting here totally mocking the shit out of him. "Ha ha! Look at that retard go!"

"Where did he go George, where did he go?" (Looney Toons)

Check it out. Funny shit. Oh, I blocked out most of the stuff in the address, but I thought it best I leave the "I LOVE U" and the quotes around the zip code, as that's a fucking riot and a half.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I'm going to rot in hell

Frank says *insert pirate voice* "aye, they be leppers. Anal leppers. The worst kind of leppers out there."

Frank wants to be the worse kind of something. "Aye, he's the worse kind of void. He's the ____________ void. The worse kind of void at that."

I think everybody needs to be the worse kind of something.


"He does nothing but eat lolipops and tobacco. And sometimes teddy bears just to torment your little children. Arh. The worse kind of void. How do you eat a lepper? Aye, with tobasco sauce and a big bucket because they tend to fall apart."

Yeahhhhhhhhhh. This is how weird we get when I'm exhausted and sick, and Frank is just Frank.

Any lepper who reads this is going to be sooooooo pissed.

This is fucking hilliarious.

So is this

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Jesus was an albino

Alright, so I'm sitting here reading our book of Zen quotes, and I read off this quote by Jesus which appeared in the lost gospel of Thomas, "Lift the stone and you will find me; cleave the wood and I am there." (Basically, this says that we don't need church to be close to God or Jesus because they exist inside of everything)

I read this off to Frank and he says to me "Jesus was an albino" and goes off on this strange tangent about hair being nearly opaque when it's on it's own; skin being nearly opaque when it's on it's own.

He just went on to say that if on a mocelular level, we are all created in God's image, all of our cells are created from a certain strand of protein then everything on the planet has said same strand of protein and consequentially, I'm a soul eating bitch.

If anybody feels like arguing with said Frank, go do that yourself and don't post that here.

He's ending tonight's blog entry with "You know, it hurts when I pinch myself with pliers."

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Frank said...

Frank said today: "the only real difference between Liz and the devil is that she claims she isn't a goat, and while she does offer incest, its only her being a cock tease"