Saturday, February 11, 2006

do you believe in genies?

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf
course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the
husband said, "Honey be very careful when you drive the
ball-don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I
told you to watch out for the houses! Alright let's go up
there, apologize, and see how much that's going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say,
"Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the
floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man
on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke the window?"

"Uh yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually
I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed
to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll
keep the last one for myself."

"OK great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year
for the rest of my life." No problem - it's the least I could

And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the
wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I have been trapped in that bottle, I havn't had
sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with
your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well we did get a lot
of money and all those houses, honey. I guess it would be

The genie took the wife upstairs, and ravished her for two

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife
and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "
35." she replied. "And he still believes in genies??? That's

Friday, February 10, 2006

Love Will Keep Us Together by Captain and Tennille

Oddly enough, Frank knew the name of this song, and who did it....why Frank would know this, I've got no clue. I love it ever since I first heard it on Nip Tuck lmao. Great tune.

Love, love will keep us together
Think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talking girl comes along singing her song
Don't mess around,
You gotta be strong
Just Stop [stop], 'cause I really love You
Stop [stop], I'll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

You, You belong to me now
Ain't gonna set you free now
When those girls start hanging around talking me down
Hear with your heart and you won't hear a sound
Just Stop [stop], 'cause I really love you
Stop [stop], I'll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together, what ever.

Young and beautiful
Someday your looks will be gone
When the others turn you off
Who'll be turning you on

I will, I will, I will, I will
Be there to share forever
Love will keep us together
Said it before and I'll say it again while others pretend
I'll need you now and I'll need you then
Stop 'cause I really love Ya
Stop I'll be thinking of Ya
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

Thursday, February 09, 2006

awesome game

This game is fun as fuck. Go ahead bitches! Beat 965.5! HAHAHA! Go me! lol

Oh, in other news, looks like I'm mildly lactose intolerant. I drink milk and then feel like shit (literally) for the next several hours. So uhm, yeah, that's an observation. Anywho, 6am here. Me go sleepy.


This guy on the hippie forums pissed me off when he said basically that everybody in my generation (18-25) is a whore. He pissed me off.

Here's his post.

Are all women and men whores?
Or is it just me? Maybe I'm from an older generation, but when I see how easy it is to go to bed with 18-25 y.o. girls today, I tend to think that women are becoming total whores.
Over here, girls were necklaces, earrings and armbands showing "sex codes", so that you can approach them and start your conversation with "hi, so you like anal sex while sucking a cock at the same time. How nice. Can I buy you a drink?" And after about five minutes they're out of stuff to talk about ("yes Brad Pitt is ok") and then you get a free blowjob because they're bored.

Common, what's up with these girls of today? Not that I don't like it, it's just that I (we?) want some romance too. A slut a day is fun, but where are all the mysterious girls? The ones you have to do your best for?

On another note, I just read that of all children that are born in the U.K. each year, 20% are actually illegitimate kids. That is: mother slept with a stranger but told hubby the kid's his. In the age group of 18-25 year olds, this ratio goes up to 35%!! Can you imagine? What a total whore situation.

Okay, let's poll it. Are all 18 to 25 year old girls and boys in America and Europe total whores?

PS: OK I admit, I should have added that the same applies for young men. My apologies to all women who read this and rightly indicated that a sexual act often takes two! So everything that's written above applies to men too!

Here's my reply.

I fall into this demographic. I do *not* sleep around. I haven't ever had a one night stand. I don't go into the bathroom to suck some guy's cock. It's not that I'm hardcore christian or anything, but that it's not my perogative.

I am sexually agressive, sure, but I don't go around and do that to anybody less than a boyfriend/girlfriend that I deeply care about. Does the fact that I'm sexually agressive and my ex and I slept together 500+ times over the 2.5 years we were together make me a whore, or just a good girlfriend?

Where I live, people at parties talk about sex and sex organs, but nobody wants to touch it, or feel it as you stated. Everybody I hang out with and party with even, falls between the ages of 17 and 25. And none of them are whores, yet you seem to act as though everybody in this age group is.

The whole issue is just a matter of perspective. That's all anything in this world is. It's all about your perspective, and changing your perspective on something can change a lot. (I'm not saying you need to change your perspective; please don't take it that way)

You may think that girls who go around having sex whenever they like are whores, but the next guy may not. For all you know these girls might very well be fed up with being treated like shit by assholes they've fallen for. They might just be tired of having their heartbroken, and decide that it's easier to just screw around with no emotions attached.

I wouldn't so much say that people in my generation are whores, but as far as I can see, all the women I know in my generation have been treated very badly by their significant others.

Maybe it's not that everybody is slutty and just looking for a piece of ass, but rather that our parents (that would be YOUR generation) didn't do a good job giving us proper moral guidence. Or maybe they just did a particularly good of a job when they taught us to think for ourselves as opposed to play into a mundane stereotype.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

My thought before I fell asleep

Really long time ago. Thousands of years ago:

"What's this dangly thing?"
"that's your penis."
"what does it do?"
"well when the time is right you use that to make babies, and until then, you use it to urniate." "urinate...I don't like that word....this fluid that comes out of it...what will I call it? It's a's.....nis. Look! I'm nissing! No...that doesn't work. Pe! Look! I'm peeing!"


as seen on

Ice-T And David Hasselhoff Team Up For Rap Album

'Baywatch' Star To Reinvent Himself As 'Hassle The Hoff'
Rick Ellis

POSTED: 4:21 pm CDT May 21, 2004
UPDATED: 12:55 pm CDT June 4, 2004

David Hasselhoff, best known for starring in the television shows "Knight Rider" and "Baywatch," may be looking to release a rap album.

According to several press reports, legendary rapper Ice-T is set to produce a hip-hop album with Hasselhoff, whom the musician described as "a legend."

Ice-T told the British newspaper The Sun that he and Hasselhoff are neighbors, and they have struck up a friendship. "He's gonna come out as Hassle the Hoff," said the rapper, whose real name is Tracey Morrow. "The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humor."

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

Got this in an email forward. This is bullshit. In the Qu'ran it *really* goes like this:

Sūra 9: Tauba (Repentance) or Barāat (Immunity) Section 11 (81-89)

81. Those who were left behind (in the Tabuk expedition) rejoiced in their inaction behind the back of the Messenger of Allah. they hated to strive and fight, with their goods and their persons, in the cause of Allah. they said, "Go not forth in the heat." Say, "The fire of Hell is fiercer in heat." If only they could understand!

82. Let them laugh a little: much will they weep: a recompense for the (evil) that they do.

83. If, then, Allah bring thee back to any of them, and they ask thy permission to come out (with thee), say: "Never shall ye come out with me, nor fight an enemy with me: for ye preferred to sit inactive on the first occasion: Then sit ye (now) with those who lag behind."

84. Nor do thou ever pray for any of them that dies, nor stand at his grave; for they rejected Allah and His Messenger, and died in a state of perverse rebellion.

85. Nor let their wealth nor their (following in) sons dazzle thee: Allah.s plan is to punish them with these things in this world, and that their souls may perish in their (very) denial of Allah.

86. When a Sura comes down, enjoining them to believe in Allah and to strive and fight along with His Messenger, those with wealth and influence among them ask thee for exemption, and say: "Leave us (behind): we would be with those who sit (at home)."

87. They prefer to be with (the women), who remain behind (at home): their hearts are sealed and so they understand not.

88. But the Messenger, and those who believe with him, strive and fight with their wealth and their persons: for them are (all) good things: and it is they who will prosper.

89. Allah hath prepared for them gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein: that is the supreme felicity.

Monday, February 06, 2006

gotta love advertising

I heard this on the radio just a few moments ago. Cracked me up something wicked.

"Purgatory is only 4 hours from Santa Fe and is open 98% of the time. Call 800.982.6103 to make a reservation."


The Bachlor

I was just watching The Bachelor on TBS. Funny fucking movie. I've always liked it. Jimmy Shannon (I forget the actor's name) feels pressured to propose to his girlfriend. And he does....and he blows it. 2 days later his grandfather dies, and he finds out that in order to inheret his grandfather's $100 million estate, Jimmy needs to get married by his 30th birthday - Tomorrow.

Girlfriend disappears, and he chases down all these other women that he dated trying to get one to marry him. But the catch is that they need to be married for 10 years and within 5 years have at least 1 "verifiable off spring."

It's pretty funny. Good flick.

I'd like to be the one to propose should a relationship go that far. I know exactly how I'd do it too. It'd be fun. And drawn out, and hell, it could take *weeks* for them to get to the proposal. It'll be fun. ^_^ Especially if the person likes odd things.

Speaking of relationships, I found myself recently getting caught in the loop of believing that everybody I end up with is a self absorbed, manipulative, emotionally abusive asshole who preys on the misery and others to feel empowered. Seeing as how Fred is none of these, I started to be come paranoid that he is actually one of them, and I just don't see it.

But then I came to my senses, and all is right in the world.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

I wouldn't be shocked.

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual

As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped.
So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was
a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the

The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At
this point, Santa was BUMMED.

He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the
bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there
was a knock at the door.

Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock.
Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came
again, Santa --filled with rage-- threw open the door.

Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do
you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?" Hence...the story
of the Angel atop the tree.


Oh, in other lovely news, I'm sicker than a fucking dog. Think I'm mildly lactose intolerant. I was throwing up for like 4 hours and out of everything I ate today, the only thing I threw up was the cheese sandwich. It was also the only thing with milk in it.

I don't know. We'll see. I don't think it's so much the milk itself, just how much of it I have in one sitting. If I take it easy, it doesn't bother me.

hitchhiker's movie

Arthur - "We can talk about normality until the cows come home."
Trillian - "What's normal?"
Ford - "What's home?"
Zaphod - "What are cows?"

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable... There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

I think for Halloween I wanna dress up as Zaphod. ^_^ That'd be awesome. He's got awesome fashion sense. heh.
(ohm) (mah) (nee) (pahd) (may) (hum)