I'm a moron magnet

Okay, so there's this guy who's been going skating since he was like 3. He's, basically...uhm...my 2 year old cousin seems to have a higher IQ. He is mentally retarded, so that explains a lot. I find it amazing he can actually function.

3 weeks ago he wrote me this love letter, and left it with Damon. I read it and it's the funniest fucking thing. Jarod was out of town and Damon called up Jarod and read it over the phone. It was basically "Hi Liz? How old are you? I'm 22. I don't think it's true what they say about you! Christian would kill me if I told you! I thought you would want to skate with me tonight. Bye! "Doug George""

Okay, first of all, when you're 22 fucking years old, you shouldn't be doing the 3rd grade thing. "Do you like me? Check yes or no." (in example) I don't know what Christian told him exactly, but basically he told Doug that I like chicks.

Doug tried to give me his picture through Christian, and I refused it. "Well, Liz, I don't want it. He told me to give it to you." "No, I refuse to touch that. Get that away from me."

Christian then told him that I have a boyfriend. (we're saying Frank is my boyfriend) So then tonight rolls around, and I thought Doug had actually, like, you know....moved on. Oh, for the record he did this to Bridget, but he left the note in Jarod's mail box. Tonight Pat comes up to me and says "I need to see you in the DJ booth." I get up there, I read these letters. Fucking funny shit. Hillarious fucking crap. Jarod read these and he's laughing his ass off "Man, Liz, this has gone too far."

I decided to leave skating early because I didn't want to deal with Doug at the end of the night. I called Papa, and I was waiting outside. Doug comes out and says, (Oh, picture all this, but with the typical ddeeeeer voice of a robot) "Hi Liz. Do you have a boyfriend?" "Yeah, actually. I live with this guy. I'm waiting for him to pick me up right now." "Oh, well if you wanna hang out or something, why don't I give you my address." "Sorry Doug, I don't have a pen." "Oh, I already wrote it out for you. Here you go. Bye!"

I opened it when I got home. . . I scanned them and I'm returning them to Jarod for addition to the scrap book. Frank and I are sitting here totally mocking the shit out of him. "Ha ha! Look at that retard go!"

"Where did he go George, where did he go?" (Looney Toons)

Check it out. Funny shit. Oh, I blocked out most of the stuff in the address, but I thought it best I leave the "I LOVE U" and the quotes around the zip code, as that's a fucking riot and a half.