regression?
I was reading through my blog a few minutes ago, and I was writing at one point about how this one asshole kept coming back into my life, over, and over, and over, and was making me miserable.
Kudos to me! I haven't spoken to him in a month! Maybe I'm massochistic. I keep thinking "Maybe I'll see how he's doing" but then I think about it and I think about how nice it is to have my life relativly drama free, with the exception of work. I think I like this, and I intend on keeping it this way for as long as possible. It is kind of hard still though, since he was such a part of my life for so long.
Another person who was / is very important to me, has gone so far as to withdraw himself from my life. I think that's what he wanted all along. He'd tell me he loves me and cares about me, and then I wouldn't talk to him for 3 months. He'd come and go out of whim. He said he wanted to be part of my life, and then would make no attempt to be part of my life. Almost as though he'd go out of his way not to be part of it. Kind of an interesting dynamic with that one, because I sacrificed so much for him.
Things with J are better off this way. In the end, I wouldn't have been happy with him. At one point I thought I would have married him, but our relationship was so ambigious, it was kind of hard to define it in the sense of long term commitment. He upsets me though...he'll still randomly pop into my life with a poem, or a story, or just to tell me he loves me. It's hard. Even though we don't speak anymore, I know he loves me, and misses me, and thinks of me often. I know he's fine, without actually having been told anything. It's very odd.
Thinking back on it, I'm glad, that things worked out the way they did. I still love him, but I'm definately not in love with him. If I were still with him, I definately wouldn't have met Mike, who is just....amazing, to me. He's so beautiful. I've never been this happy with somebody before. It is a nice change. It's a very welcome change to be with somebody who actually gets me, and appreciates me, and loves me for who I am, AND is such a great person. I definately did not expect this.
Kudos to me! I haven't spoken to him in a month! Maybe I'm massochistic. I keep thinking "Maybe I'll see how he's doing" but then I think about it and I think about how nice it is to have my life relativly drama free, with the exception of work. I think I like this, and I intend on keeping it this way for as long as possible. It is kind of hard still though, since he was such a part of my life for so long.
Another person who was / is very important to me, has gone so far as to withdraw himself from my life. I think that's what he wanted all along. He'd tell me he loves me and cares about me, and then I wouldn't talk to him for 3 months. He'd come and go out of whim. He said he wanted to be part of my life, and then would make no attempt to be part of my life. Almost as though he'd go out of his way not to be part of it. Kind of an interesting dynamic with that one, because I sacrificed so much for him.
Things with J are better off this way. In the end, I wouldn't have been happy with him. At one point I thought I would have married him, but our relationship was so ambigious, it was kind of hard to define it in the sense of long term commitment. He upsets me though...he'll still randomly pop into my life with a poem, or a story, or just to tell me he loves me. It's hard. Even though we don't speak anymore, I know he loves me, and misses me, and thinks of me often. I know he's fine, without actually having been told anything. It's very odd.
Thinking back on it, I'm glad, that things worked out the way they did. I still love him, but I'm definately not in love with him. If I were still with him, I definately wouldn't have met Mike, who is just....amazing, to me. He's so beautiful. I've never been this happy with somebody before. It is a nice change. It's a very welcome change to be with somebody who actually gets me, and appreciates me, and loves me for who I am, AND is such a great person. I definately did not expect this.
posted by squishedlizard at 6:27 AM
1 Comments:
Appreciation is a good thing, I'm happy for you hun. Take your time and follow your dreams. You are a great person too. I cherish your friendship and I want to thank you for your honesty. You have helped me to see things clearly sometimes. I sometimes live in a unrealistic light. Don't ever change, just be yourself.
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