The Mammogram

This is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to
actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts
to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you
should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around
doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared.
But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these
simple exercises:

1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts
(either will do) between the two bookends and smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.

2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast
into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.

3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the
garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear
tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will
slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat
on the other side.