humor
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't need him again.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Pirate Jokes
What do you call a pirate who poses for Playgirl? Play-matey
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I wasn't used to me hook yet."
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#1 Pirate Pickup Line: "Ahoy, how about checkin' out me bed in me cabin on me ship? The rocking motion is quite pleasant, if ye catch me drift."
----------------------------
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't need him again.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Pirate Jokes
What do you call a pirate who poses for Playgirl? Play-matey
----------------------------
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I wasn't used to me hook yet."
----------------------------
#1 Pirate Pickup Line: "Ahoy, how about checkin' out me bed in me cabin on me ship? The rocking motion is quite pleasant, if ye catch me drift."
----------------------------
posted by squishedlizard at 8:56 PM
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