What a gift that must be.... to be timeless. To be ethereal, surreal, passionate longing dispassionate craves... Timeless. That is something to aspire to, and "It's a fine goal, to be sure" but wouldn't you think, suppose, JUST SUPPOSE, that it matters what I feel?
No, I don't have any self doubt...I don't know where you would get that idea....silly people.
No, really, I don't. I don't doubt myself. I'm actually one of the few things that I have faith in. What I do doubt, is how much I matter. But the fact that to myself, I don't really matter, resolves the issue right then and there.
"Beloved, till life can charm no more; and mourned, till Pity's self be dead" ~ William Collins
To be dead, to be dead. Something we all desire...something we all crave. To be dead, to be lost, to be forever lonesome, wandering. I try to get lost, I try to wander. I try to mourn my thoughts, and I try to mourn my past self-- The concept of who I was, as opposed to the reality of who I am. Pity's self shall always fall. It shall fall from our selves, our enemies, and our lovers. It should cease until it can cease no more, and crumble to the inner depths of Hell, and Heaven, and Earth alike, to wake, lonely, wandering, and forgotten...haunting the inner depths of our minds, and our spirits.
"Beloved, till life can charm no more" Beloved, beloved...my fountain pen words cling to you, lying in your bed of rain, dear beloved. Is it possible for life to stop charming you? Is it possible for everything to hault, and fall, and crumble and mourn endlessly, enigmatically...waiting, whispering, lonely, lost....is it possible for everything to charm you no more, dearest. Is it possible for you to be charmed... to be charmed until your self is gone? Or is that a dream? A mere image, a myth lingering softly, slowly, independently in the back of my mind? A myth that is self-sustaining...independent of my thought, my soul, and my beloved...a myth independent of me, but nonetheless, a myth that defines me...fullfills my soul, and replenishes my spirit, when it is lost, wandering, forgotten, and lonely...
I don't know where to begin. I've been overwhelmed lately. Not consumed, mind you, but overwhelmed. Life is peachy! ... you betcha.
Actually, I can't complain. Life is pretty good...just minor annoyances here and there. I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I'm happier... I've been happier since August 10th, then I have in a long time. (Yes, I know the fucking date....I did some thinking that kinda actually changed things)
I FOUND IT!!!! It all makes sense.... if only I could explain.
When I was younger, I was the kid that nobody wanted to play with. I was the four-eyed trailer hic, and the fact that I didn't live in a trailer at all was of little to no importance to the children in my town. I was 7. I would sit alone on the swings at school, writing, drawing, and the other children would throw rocks at me, laugh at me, poke fun at me, and when I got up, and ran to my secret hiding place inside one of the wooden towers of the playground, I was called a "chicken."
It all stems back to that.
At the time I was lonely...I was anxious, I was afraid, and I was wistful. But now that I look back, it was the spawn of my creative processes... it was the beginning of the creative endeavours that would come to shape my life, and my soul. It was the beginning... and it was the end.
With the evolution of our spirits, our souls, and our minds, is it possible to lose part of us? Is it possible to lose ourselves? Is it possible to fall, and crash, and sing no more to the eternal happiness that shines only from the inside? Or do we truly evolve? Do we stand on the tiny little ledge of ourselves, of our minds, and gaze out upon ourselves, and view everything within us? Everything we are?
Everything we are, everything in me, wants to be the one you wanted me to be. I would never let you down...even if I could. I'd give up everything, if only for your good, so love me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong, hold me when I'm scared, I won't always be here, so love me when I'm gone...
No, I don't have any self doubt...I don't know where you would get that idea....silly people.
No, really, I don't. I don't doubt myself. I'm actually one of the few things that I have faith in. What I do doubt, is how much I matter. But the fact that to myself, I don't really matter, resolves the issue right then and there.
"Beloved, till life can charm no more; and mourned, till Pity's self be dead" ~ William Collins
To be dead, to be dead. Something we all desire...something we all crave. To be dead, to be lost, to be forever lonesome, wandering. I try to get lost, I try to wander. I try to mourn my thoughts, and I try to mourn my past self-- The concept of who I was, as opposed to the reality of who I am. Pity's self shall always fall. It shall fall from our selves, our enemies, and our lovers. It should cease until it can cease no more, and crumble to the inner depths of Hell, and Heaven, and Earth alike, to wake, lonely, wandering, and forgotten...haunting the inner depths of our minds, and our spirits.
"Beloved, till life can charm no more" Beloved, beloved...my fountain pen words cling to you, lying in your bed of rain, dear beloved. Is it possible for life to stop charming you? Is it possible for everything to hault, and fall, and crumble and mourn endlessly, enigmatically...waiting, whispering, lonely, lost....is it possible for everything to charm you no more, dearest. Is it possible for you to be charmed... to be charmed until your self is gone? Or is that a dream? A mere image, a myth lingering softly, slowly, independently in the back of my mind? A myth that is self-sustaining...independent of my thought, my soul, and my beloved...a myth independent of me, but nonetheless, a myth that defines me...fullfills my soul, and replenishes my spirit, when it is lost, wandering, forgotten, and lonely...
I don't know where to begin. I've been overwhelmed lately. Not consumed, mind you, but overwhelmed. Life is peachy! ... you betcha.
Actually, I can't complain. Life is pretty good...just minor annoyances here and there. I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I'm happier... I've been happier since August 10th, then I have in a long time. (Yes, I know the fucking date....I did some thinking that kinda actually changed things)
I FOUND IT!!!! It all makes sense.... if only I could explain.
When I was younger, I was the kid that nobody wanted to play with. I was the four-eyed trailer hic, and the fact that I didn't live in a trailer at all was of little to no importance to the children in my town. I was 7. I would sit alone on the swings at school, writing, drawing, and the other children would throw rocks at me, laugh at me, poke fun at me, and when I got up, and ran to my secret hiding place inside one of the wooden towers of the playground, I was called a "chicken."
It all stems back to that.
At the time I was lonely...I was anxious, I was afraid, and I was wistful. But now that I look back, it was the spawn of my creative processes... it was the beginning of the creative endeavours that would come to shape my life, and my soul. It was the beginning... and it was the end.
With the evolution of our spirits, our souls, and our minds, is it possible to lose part of us? Is it possible to lose ourselves? Is it possible to fall, and crash, and sing no more to the eternal happiness that shines only from the inside? Or do we truly evolve? Do we stand on the tiny little ledge of ourselves, of our minds, and gaze out upon ourselves, and view everything within us? Everything we are?
Everything we are, everything in me, wants to be the one you wanted me to be. I would never let you down...even if I could. I'd give up everything, if only for your good, so love me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong, hold me when I'm scared, I won't always be here, so love me when I'm gone...
posted by squishedlizard at 12:17 AM
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